euphonious flavoured crisps, with real euphonious pieces

A sad soul can kill you quicker. Far quicker than a germ - John Steinbeck

Well, need I say more?

I am in one of my moods again. How did I get there? I have no idea. All I know is that I feel so blue I'm actually contemplating on ending it all.

I can't even put my thoughts in order long enough for me to write a pretty decent cathartic blog. Darn it! I'm so pathetic.

The weird thing is, I was doing ok just last night. I'm not really sure if I'm bipolar or not but the thought had crossed my mind. So, if anyone knows anything about this condition any input is much appreciated.

1 month...

Wow! It has been a month since I last posted anything here. A month since I b*tched about how bad my life is. I guess that goes to show what type of a writer I am.

I mean, I have absolutely nothing to write about when everything seems to be going according to plan. haha!

Anyway, I am hoping that soon I will be able to write again. Not to b*tch about my life but to blog about how good it is turning out to be.

Thank you, Fates!

Who are you?

After my most recent heartbreak I promised my heart that I will distance it from people, and their hearts. I told it that I will no longer allow anyone else to have the power to put soccer shoes on and stomp on it, repeatedly.

Or allow anybody to have the strength to pick up some liquid nitrogen, spray it on my heart, and crush it to tiny pieces. Ok, that was a bad one. (^_^)

Well, you get my point. And I was doing ok, for a few days.

Then, wham. It hit me. I forgot to tell my eyes to go blind and they decided to go on a hunting trip. I would like to think that they just forgot that they are partly to blame for the fact that my heart is still struggling to right itself. I wouldn’t want to think that my eyes have no regard whatsoever to the plight of my heart. That just wouldn’t be right.

But, here I am now. Sitting and typing in the dark. Wondering who that guy is and why he caught my eyes’ attention.

Will my eyes and his ever meet again? Will my heart be well enough to try and beat for someone else’s heart?

Darn you, eyes, for being such good hunters and for making me think of roses and sunsets again.

Darn you, whoever you are, for looking so hot that my eyes gravitated towards you.

Will I ever see you again?

One last shot to happiness?

My fairy tale lasted 1 week and 4 days. Just when I thought I finally found what has eluded me for so long the Fates deal me yet another blow.

My one last shot to happiness became another heartbreak. I guess some people are never meant to be happy. It’s just too bad that I belong to that list.

"I was dead until you found me, though I breathed. I was sightless, though I could see. And then you came...and I was awakened." ~ Zsadist (J.R. Ward’s Lover Awakened)

I always loved that quote but now... Now, I'm just dead.

"I was dead until you found me, though I breathed. I was sightless, though I could see. And then you came...and I was awakened." ~ Zsadist (J.R. Ward)

The line above is one of the most touching dialogue ever uttered by one of the characters in J.R. Ward’s The Black Dagger Brotherhood series.

Yes, it’s a paranormal romance thing. And, yes, I read and love this series.

What can I say? It’s about hot vampires falling in love. There’s nothing hotter than that. Plus, there are also the kick-ass fight scenes.

But I digress, again.

This line was spoken by Zsadist, or Z for short. And I may not have had the same painful experiences as Z had had but I have my own wounds to heal and I realized that sometimes having someone to aid you and support you as you heal is the best way to cover those wounds with scar tissue.

I wouldn’t, however, say that I have had the same intense feeling that Zsadist had when he found Bella, or rather when Bella found him (depends on how you look at it). But, it’s awfully close.

I was walking that thin line when you came and drew me back with a kiss. And, although, it is not perfect it is already enough for me.

You may not be considered as Prince Charming by others but you are my PC and, I hope, my happily ever after. My fairy tale. Because I think everyone deserves a fairy tale.

"Once in awhile, right in the middle of an ordinary life, love gives us a fairy tale." - anonymous quotation

WHY?

I had an interview today, for a job. There were three applicants there and one of them is this chatty woman who might have been older than me but not by much. She asked us what our ages are. Then she commented, “Marriageable age.” And that little comment pinched my heart, just a bit.

Then, she was called. And I was left with the young man. After several minutes she came out and told the young man that he’s next. It was a short interview. I chatted with the woman for a bit and she left.

After several more minutes, the man came out and it was my turn to be interviewed. It really wasn’t much of an interview since they, pretty much, had interviewed us in the exam. It was very lengthy.

Anyway, I went in and the woman started asking questions. And I was doing ok.

Then she asked for my age.

I gave it to her.

Then she asked for my status.

I told her I’m single.

And that was when she asked that one question I can’t even begin to fathom the answer for: WHY?

I told her the only answer I could think of: I DON'T KNOW.

I have spent many hours in the dark thinking “What went wrong?” or “Was it me?” or “Was there anything I could have done to save it?”and I still don’t have an answer for any of these questions.

Nine months and I am still coming up with a blank page.

Nine months and I am still grieving.

Nine months and there is still no light at the end of the tunnel.

So, please, don’t ask me why. It does more than just pinch my heart a bit.